Why Do Reviews?

I was thinking about writing reviews here, but I've kinda come to the conclusion that reviews are pretty useless. Unless the review states, "This is the best thing EVER!" or "This is the worst thing EVER!" it seems like people ignore them.

Over the years, I've gotten many good reviews for Gutwallow, but I've never gotten any "Best EVER!" or "Worst EVER!" reviews. I tend to get the "This is good and worth checking out if you're so inclined" type o' reviews, which is quite nice I suppose, but I think I'd rather get "Worst EVER!" reviews, because then people would be more apt to check out my stuff. Let's face it, mildly positive commentary doesn't interest anyone... it's too, well... uninteresting. It doesn't set off any bells or whistles in our bells and whistles filled noggins. In our megamile-a-second society, we need headlines that grab us instantly. "Best EVER!" and "Worst EVER!" or about the only review headlines that garner much attention.

I dunno why exactly, but I think it's the sheep factor. If something is the "Best EVER!" people gotta check it out, lest they miss out on what the rest of the world is digging and look like a goof. Likewise, if something is the "Worst EVER!", people gotta check it out to see what all the fuss is about, so they can laugh about it at the water cooler in the morning. If something is merely good or bad, it ain't worth or superstrapped time.

And ya know, that's a shame.